Boundaries: Connection between the violation of boundaries and our responses

See if this resonates with you?

As human beings our innate need is to belong, to be seen and be heard. In pursuit of these needs we connect with the world in different ways. The phenomenological understanding of ourselves allows us to have a microscopic view of our inner world.

In our day to day life, we traverse through different sets of feelings and emotions that lead to certain behavior and vice a versa. While being joyous, at peace, calm and having regulated breathing is a place we all cherish, what really happens that it gets disrupted?

The answer lies in the violation of our boundaries. Take an example when we are physically intimidated, what do we do? We either fight back, we fear we could be violated further, or we sink in a feeling of injustice and helplessness.

The key to address these is with us, merely by protecting our boundaries. The way we choose to protect our physical boundaries or not in the outer world, the same holds good for our inner world as well. If we choose to start protecting boundaries of our inner world protecting outer boundaries becomes a lot easier.

How do I do it?

Can I respond to the inner cry for autonomy? Can I shift the focus to “Me”? Can I voice my needs?

As you read these questions, do any of the following thoughts come to you?

• Is it not selfish to just keep thinking about myself?
• Won’t I hurt my near and dear ones?
• Won’t I be excluded by the other/s?
• Will I be left alone without anyone by my side?
• What will others think about me?
• It’s a small thing, better to let go than make a big issue out of it.
• This is not how I was brought up.
• We must think about others and put their needs before mine.
• Best no to engage and withdraw...
• I have jitters even thinking about doing this.
• Even if I want to, it will be impossible to speak up for me.

If you resonate with any of the above or such like thoughts, you are moving away from autonomy and allowing your boundaries to be violated.

When we live a boundaried life, we give ourselves a chance to see us. We attune ourselves with our own behavior, thoughts, and feelings. This helps regulate our breathing. Even if we slip into fight or flight response, we slowly start gaining control on our nervous system to come back to the space of peace. We can start connecting with the world in healthy way. We can rest the choice with us instead of giving our strings in the hands of the other. We can still belong with people who care, respect and genuinely and look forward to our company. We allow a free interaction for the other as well and feel comfortable and accepting of the boundaries and needs of the other. We feel gratitude for small and big things and for people that are in our lives. We learn and experience the true way to belong.

Does this mean we will never slip down? Certainly not! However, this moves us slowly and steadily up the ladder of the autonomic system.

Well then,

Are you ready and willing to honor your own needs?

Are You ready and willing to belong to yourself first?

Are you ready and willing to see yourself first?

Are you ready to feel your feelings?

Make the journey back home to yourself and witness the Joy that resides within you!